TRIB TOTAL MEDIA SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 24, 2019 · 11
THE EFFECTS OF ADDICTION
school, always acting out, possibly doing
or selling drugs themselves depending on
the child’s age or engaging in risky be-havior
such as unprotected sex. They are
tough, mouthy, difficult to manage and
seek to take all the focus and negative at-tention
onto themselves.
“This child on the inside feels hurt,” she
said. “They’re very afraid to trust and often
get rejected by family members, are misun-derstood,
get blamed and are looked at as
hopeless, where people will say he’s going
to be like his mom or his dad and end up
on drugs or in jail.”
What this child needs, she said, is struc-ture
and consistency. They need to be held
accountable for their actions, but they also
need praise. She tells caregivers to find
ways the child can succeed, such as help-ing
them do the laundry or cook a meal
— anything that can put the caregiver in a
position to be supportive and confirming.
“And if that child has a tendency to go
to the principal’s office three times a week
but only went twice one week, somebody
better say something because positive at-tention
is better than negative attention,
but negative attention is better than no
attention,” she said.
The third is a child they call the mascot,
Sample said.
The mascot’s role is to break the tension,
lighten the mood and make people laugh.
They are often the jokester or the class
clown who might get in trouble for being
disruptive.
They look carefree but are very attention-seeking
and on the inside they’re terrified,
she said. They often feel confused, left out,
ashamed and angry.
“They have to be taken seriously and
held accountable,” Sample said. “They
have to hear that their opinion counts and
asked what they think and what they feel.
These kids need to be involved and get
support and validation in what they’re feel-ing
and going through.”
Finally there is the lost child, who very
often gets overlooked, Sample said.
Usually quiet, a dreamer, a lonely child
who could be sitting in the corner doing
homework or playing XBox despite the
chaos going on around them.
They try to stay out of the way of the
problem and spend lots of time alone.
They also share many characteristics of the
hero child in taking on adult responsibili-ties.
“These kids feel very left out, angry,
isolated, fragile and they have a high rate
of depression and suicide,” Sample said.
“Outside of helping them be a child, it’s
important to make sure they get positive
attention and encourage them to take
chances.
“With the lost child, I like to say, ‘You’re
going to lead us today.’ I want to invite
them into group activities and say ‘come
join us, tell us what you want to do,’ to
help them feel connected to other people
and things that are going on in the family.”
Particularly when a caregiver brings a
child of addiction into their home to live,
either on a temporary or more permanent
basis, it’s important to have a lot of pa-tience,
said John Amato, director of train-ing
and consultation services for Fami-lyLinks.
One of the keys early on is also to focus
on listening and resisting the “righting”
reflex, he said.
“When something’s wrong, you want
to fix it right away. A lot of times, it’s just
listening and not being in such a rush to
help fix it, because if they’re not ready,
they’re going to shut down,” he said. “You
can listen and not necessarily agree with
what they’re saying, but sometimes it just
feels good to know you’re being heard, and
for kids that’s really important. But it may
be like pulling teeth, because they’re not
used to that.”
One thing Amato said caregivers need
to be prepared for is to hear things they
might not expect. As children become
more comfortable, they might open up
more about what life was like and how
they did things and what happened at
home with mom or dad.
“They may share some bizarre story that
makes your eyes roll back in your head,
so just be ready for anything, because
what you don’t want to do is necessarily
show that you’re alarmed by what you just
heard,” he said. “A lot of times, that stuff
is just normal to them so you want to just
gradually let them know that’s not the way
we do things here, this is what we’ll do
here instead.”
And never, Sample said, badmouth the
child’s parent or parents to them.
“Children are always very protective of
their parents,” she said. “There is a loyalty
to their parents, it doesn’t matter how bad
things were. What becomes very important
is that the caregiver, whomever they may
be, expresses to the child that one, their
parent loves them and two, that they’re
sick. The third thing would be that it’s not
their fault.”
CHRONIC PAIN IS NOT JUST BLACK WHITE
Migraines • Nervous System & Autoimmune Disorders
Plantar Fasciitis • Gout • Endometriosis • Bone Spurs
Irritable Bowel Syndrome • Arthritis • STDs • Nerve Damage
Chronic Pain has many grey areas that fall under it, give
our office a call today to see if your pain qualifies for a
Medical Marijuana Card at 888.316.9085.
Start living your life in COLOR again.
Call 888-316-9085 or visit
cccregister.com
adno=6658563