SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2017 · 15 “I’ve had people come in and you look at the car and every corner has a scratch or a dent,” Lane said. “I’ll say, ‘How did that hap-pen?’ because there will be a nasty, long scratch that looks like it’s from running along a guard rail, but the person will say, ‘I don’t know; I went grocery shop-ping then came home and it was there.’” If physical issues are af-fecting a loved one’s ability to drive safely, Lane said, there are a number of modi-fications that can help. For instance, annual visits to the eye doctor will ensure that prescriptions are up to date, and eye professionals can also help determine the need for special lenses to re-duce glare or find solutions to other potential issues that come up when driving. If an individual is losing sensation in his or her feet or experiencing diabetic nerve pain, the ability to feel the depression of the pedal may become di-minished and the driver could mistake the gas for the brake or vice versa. For about $2,000 to $3,000, however, drivers can have hand controls retrofitted to the car and be trained in how to drive without using their feet. Steering devices can be modified if an individual is losing hand strength or suffering arthritis. Buttons can be outfitted to make them easier to push. Mirrors can be added or refitted for drivers who have difficulty turning their heads to look over their shoulders. Many modifications will require the driver to be tested again by the state, Lane said, but they can also buy drivers ad-ditional years on the road. Lane sees drivers by refer-ral, often from physicians. The hardest part of her job, she said, is having to tell someone she finds them unfit to drive. “Driving is equated to independence for so many people,” she said. “And I like to remind families when we do have that dis-cussion to make sure their loved one stays as active, if not more, as before because people also equate not driv-ing with isolation and hav-ing no way of going where they want to go. We have to make sure we have op-tions for them and alternate forms of transportation for their own emotional health and well-being.” Ideally, caregivers will begin to have conversa-tions with older loved ones long before they believe it’s time to limit or eliminate their driving, said Emily Anderson, a licensed social worker and care coach with Familylinks. “The best thing is to start from a place of asking a loved one what their goals are as they age,” Anderson said. “Start from a place of GETTY IMAGES curiosity and questioning their interests and what they want. Even if you feel like you know what should hap-pen, it’s good to start from a place of what’s important to them. That can give you goals you can use as com-mon ground. So instead of saying, ‘Dad, I think it’s time you stop driving,’ you say, ‘Dad, I’ve been think-ing, and if something were to happen and it seemed unsafe for you to drive, what would you want us to do?’ Or, ‘What’s important to you about using your car and getting around? What value does that add to your life?’ Then you can know that it’s important to get to bridge club on Tuesdays, or to go grocery shopping, or having the freedom of the open road. That gives you a starting point for the con-versation.” Anderson also tells people to be prepared to have not one conversation but many. “Don’t go in expecting to hash it all out and be done,” she said. “Driving is a really important thing and also very symbolic of independence. You have to allow time for people to consider what they want and grieve what that loss might mean to them.” It also helps tremendous-ly to involve the individu-al’s physician, she said. Not only can a doctor adminis-ter tests to check for cogni-tive and physical ability and offer an expert opinion, but he or she sometimes has more authority than an adult child might if met with resistance. If the time comes for a loved one to give up the car but he or she reacts negatively, Ander-son said, caregivers need to be understanding. “If they’re angry at this attempt to change things in their life it’s a good first step to acknowledge whatever they’re feeling,” she said. “The other thing to keep in mind is that person’s ability to understand what’s go-ing on. If a person has the beginnings of dementia or cognitive impairment and it’s impacting their ability to drive, it might also impair their ability to understand why they can’t drive.” Anderson said she’s worked with lots of families who’ve negotiated the terms of a loved one’s driving; for instance, allowing the individual to go to church or the grocery store, if they’re nearby, but not past a certain distance. Failing that, families have gone so far as to disconnect the battery or simply removed the car using the excuse that it’s in the shop in cases of more advanced dementia or Alzheimer’s. Like Lane, Anderson said that it’s important to offer loved ones an alternative plan when scaling back or eliminating driving alto-gether. “You may need to offer more solid support in terms of who will start doing the driving for them, because otherwise it feels like you’re saying you want them to be trapped in the house,” An-derson said. “At the end of the day, there will be people who shouldn’t be driving but cannot or will not see that they shouldn’t be driv-ing, and in those cases you may have to resort to talk-ing to the doctor and hav-ing their license removed or hiding the keys. “Then you have to let them work through the anger that comes with that, which they have a right to feel, and just remind your-self that you’re doing the right thing because it’s for their safety and the safety of others.” For many seniors, driving is a sign of their independence, which can make losing the ability to drive a deep emotional blow. 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