Know that nerves
Getting cold feet? Not to worry, says
Leslee Gillette, LMHC, a therapist at Lotus
Counseling Center in Miami.
“Getting pre-wedding jitters is completely
normal. I know I did,” she said.
“There is, though, a difference between
general anxiety about planning, décor and
the weather, versus thoughts and concerns
about your relationship.”
While thinking about your future with
your new husband might bring up some
worries, it’s only time to really worry
if these thoughts bring up any major
relationship flaws, which often signal it
might be a good idea to seek marriage
counseling to make sure any problems can
be worked through.
Use coping skills
For the days leading up to the wedding
and the day of, try to remember a few
basic coping skills and the use of what’s
known as mindfulness.
According to Gillette, mindfulness skills,
or those that help anchor you in the
present moment, can keep your mind
Some common techniques include
focusing on your breathing and paying
attention to things around you.
Take in your surroundings with all your
senses and focus on what you see, what
you hear and what you smell.
Focus on the
For Gordon Whitney, who got married
July 2010 in Marysville, Mich., it was the
moments right before the ceremony that
really brought out the nerves. Whitney, a
team member with The Marriage Group
in Port Huron, Mich., remembers being
nervous about the kiss, whether he would
trip coming down the stairs, even about
the rings somehow getting lost.
“As cliché as it sounds, your ceremony
will be over in an instant, and all of the
worry melts away,” Whitney said. “So if
you’re nervous, think about the fun you’re
about to have at your reception, on your
honeymoon or three years after your
wedding, when you’re on your couch
watching a marathon of ‘The Office.’”
Another good way to combat anxiety
(especially if you already tend to be an
anxious person) is determining any
triggers that might cause you more worry
on the big day. Individual and couples
therapist Gillette said that identifying
triggers can help you plan ahead.
For instance, she said, if there’s a
particular person that triggers your
anxiety — maybe a rambunctious uncle
or overbearing mother — think about
getting support from a trusted friend to
help redirect this person during the
ceremony or reception.