CAREGIVER • SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 2019 • 15
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AROUNDTHEHOLIDAYS
Tips to help caregivers
manage holiday stress
The holidays can be stressful for anyone,
particularly caregivers whose time and resources
are already spread thin.
There are resources and ways to lighten the
load, keep things simple and fun and give the
family the opportunity for a pleasant holiday
season.
In recent years, online shopping has revolutionized
the way people make purchases.
Now, with Giant Eagle, Target, Walmart and
others offering food delivery and/or curbside
pick-up services, it can help relieve some of
the pressure.
Dr. Rick Morycz, associate professor of
psychiatry, medicine and social work at the
University of Pittsburgh and a member of the
board of directors of the Aging Institute, said
that the holidays can be helpful for caregivers,
giving them a chance to connect with their
loved ones and others.
“Honestly, most people do connect with
the holidays in the sense that they connect
with what’s positive and uplifting about the
holidays,” he said. “They don’t have to be sad
or lonely or isolated.”
Here are some tips for keeping stress at bay
and enjoying the spirit of the season:
• If possible, try to keep important traditions
going. Children and grandchildren need the
joys and routines of the holidays, but that’s
also true for older people and the recipients of
care in the household, Morycz said.
“I also think you can then build a few new
ones, too,” he said. “Rituals, I think, are really
important, whether it’s a church service or
blessings and hymns or going around the table
and saying what you’re thankful for. These are
all important traditions that can help relationships
stay strong.”
For those suffering from Alzheimer’s and
dementia, he said, memories of longstanding
traditions at the holidays might be more intact
than others, and that can help them reconnect.
“They may not remember what happened
last week, but they can remember what
happened in Christmas 1955 in the snowstorm
and can talk about that and laugh about that
and share those kinds of stories. You remember
the time Uncle Tom ate the entire half of
the turkey or 27 pierogies or something like
that. Those kinds of traditions encourage
people to enjoy themselves and have some
pleasure and give a sense of quality of life.”
• At the same time, Morycz said, it’s OK to
be selective in what you do and don’t do at the
holidays. Do the things that will bring you joy,
but not the things that are going to make you
miserable.
“Don’t try to make those cookies that are
difficult to make if you hate doing it and you’re
dreading doing it,” he said.
• Don’t let anger bubble over into celebrations.
If primary caregivers have feelings
of resentment when other siblings or other
family members come to town at the holidays,
try not to have those conversations before
the holiday, before the dinner or before the
celebration.
After everything is over, even the next day,
go out someplace for a cup of coffee to have
the conversation about needing more help
and expressing the stress that’s involved in
caregiving.
“Sometimes it may result in your sister
saying, ‘I feel bad I’m not here, why don’t I talk
to our brother and we can put in together to
get someone in here four hours a week to give
you a little break,” Morycz said.
“But talk about that one-on-one after the
holiday, because you don’t want anger or
resentment or irritability to carry over into the
holiday tradition or celebration. You don’t want
that for the care recipient, and you don’t want
the kids to see that, either.”
• Some caregivers are private about their
loved ones’ health status, which can make the
holidays a bit concerning because there are
invites to parties, invites to dinners and more
opportunities to gather with those outside the
inner circle. Or, caregivers simply don’t want to
see looks of pity or answer lots of questions
about the situation.
While some caregivers find it freeing to open
up in these situations, others don’t, Morycz
said, and there’s no one response that’s better
than the other.
One way to handle it is to attend functions
without the care recipient and, when people
ask, just explain the person has good days and
bad days but you’re all hanging in there and
then change the subject.
“Or go, and don’t stay long,” he said. “You
can feel part of what’s happening, participate,
then go home and that’s that.”
BY KAREN PRICE
FOR TRIB TOTAL MEDIA