14 · SATURDAY, MAY 20, 2017 At theconversationproject.org, a number of starter kits are available to help people initiate discussions about end-of-life wishes. COMMUNICATION IS KEY Among the many needs that arise as family members age, are faced with a grave illness or experience other life-changing situations is the need to have difficult con-versations. That could mean designating a health care power of attorney, discussing the type of care one would like at the end of his or her life and under what conditions to stop care. However, as important as these conversa-tions are, many families are reluctant to have them. According to a 2013 survey by the Massachusetts-based group The Con-versation Project, which encourages people to have end-of-life talks at the kitchen table and not the intensive care unit, although 90 percent of people say it’s important to talk with loved ones about their wishes in the event of a life-threatening illness, only 27 percent have done so. And while 82 percent of people say it’s important to put their wishes in writing, only 23 percent have followed through. “It’s a hard conversation to have, but I’d call it one of the most crucial conversations you can have,” said Barb Gray, senior vice president of clinical services for Highmark. “It’s tough to face the fact that you’re going to lose a loved one or that you your-self are dying. But caretaking and being an advocate for a loved one is one of the most important jobs you can do.” At theconversationproject.org, a number of starter kits are available to help people initiate discussions about end-of-life wishes. Not only do they have starter kits to help individuals speak with their families and loved ones about their own wishes, but they also have kits to talk about choosing and being a health care proxy, having the conversation with patients with dementia or Alzheimer’s Disease, talking to a doctor and having the conversation with a seri-ously ill child. If a caregiver wants to have the conversa-tion with a loved one but isn’t sure where to begin, there are a number of possible triggers that can make it easier, said Patri-cia Hanson, managing director of IKOR of Western Pennsylvania, an advocacy and life management agency for seniors and the disabled. Those can include the death of a friend or loved one, an article, a television show, a sermon or something more directly related, such as financial planning or a change in health or medical diagnosis. One thing Hanson suggests is starting by asking your loved one to explain his or her experience of whatever the trigger might be.Often, it helps to discuss one’s own reac-tions first. So, for instance, if there was a television show about cancer, a family member could bring up how he or she felt watching the family members in the show deal with the situation and the feelings it brought up. “Taking it deep for yourself first can give them permission to go emotionally deep in their experience,” Hanson said. Hanson also suggested using the Five Wishes living will as a way to not only as-certain what a loved one will want moving forward but also create a legal document for their desires. The five wishes are “The Person I Want to Make Care Decisions for Me When I Can’t,” “The Kind of Medical Treatment I The difficult conversations often are the most important GETTY IMAGES ADAPTING & ADJUSTING BY KAREN PRICE
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