SATURDAY, MAY 20, 2017 · 17 to express themselves in different ways. Parents get concerned on both sides. Some say, “My kid’s not talking about his brother at all, what does that mean?” to, “My child is talking about his brother all the time, what does that mean?” Their reactions can be very different. I would say instead of focusing on specific questions to ask (to gauge how a child is coping) it’s more about staying in com-munication with your child and being available to them. Let them know that this is hard, and you’re available to talk when-ever they need and to bring up the person who’s died to encourage them if they want to share memories. Some kids want to do that because it’s comforting. For other kids, it hurts too much. It’s more important to let the child know that however they need to be is OK, and you’re available, and there and you support them. Q: What harm can grief cause if a child doesn’t process it in a healthy way? A: There are a lot of different reactions and ways grief can manifest itself and become what we call complicated grief. It can turn to depression, it can mani-fest itself in high anxiety levels, and it can impact the child’s ability to function in school or after-school activities or interact with friends. It can impact energy levels, and the kids will become more tired easily. Sometimes their grades will drop. Those are the things you want to look for. Children are going to grieve, but when parents ask me when should I be worried, the way I answer is that when grief starts to really impact their day-to-day functioning, or when you see a longer-term pattern over several weeks into months where it seems like they’re missing school, withdrawing from friends, when you’re seeing a signifi-cant drop in grades. Q: Why does being surrounded by peers who are also grieving help? A: I think what’s helpful about that is that part of the grieving process is that grief is very confusing. You feel like you’re losing your mind sometimes, the sadness can be so deep. Grief can sap your energy and make you unable to think clearly at times, and you wonder why you’re feeling certain ways. Kids find it very helpful to share that and hear someone else their age say, “I’ve had similar thoughts or felt that way, too, since my sister died.” It’s a normal human need to know what we’re feeling or experiencing is not out of the ordinary, and being with peers going through similar things helps normalize what they’re feeling. It also helps them not to feel alone in it. Although grief affects one in five children by the time they graduate high school, often times they don’t know who else in school this has happened to, and they feel they’re the only ones going through it. It’s a normal human reaction to know you’re in a community of others who understand. ADAPTING & ADJUSTING Children at the Highmark Caring Place share their stories of loved ones who have died, helping them feel less alone in their grief. adno=6459790 Personal Care Home 724.744.3200 Fax 724.744.3230 724.863.6600 Fax 724.863.8686 3522 Route 130, Irwin, PA Walter D. Beam, D.O. • Owner Amanda Beam • Administrator We Offer Both Personal Care & Independent Living Residences at Both Locations. Please Call to Schedule a V isit with Either Facility. 1015 Pennsylvania Ave., Irwin, PA Walter D. Beam, D.O. • Owner Kathy Silko • Administrator
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